Video Killed the Radio Star

Your Campus Radio — Pterosaur’s-eye view of Click Teesside

I’ve decided to put my stratospheric rise to the peak of radio broadcasting on hold for the time being. Perhaps I’ll go back to it once the NCTJ exams are out of the way or perhaps it’s not the right medium for me.

There was the feeling that I was just one slip of the tongue away from getting sued or stomped; I mean, I can’t go to a party without telling some nice chap from Singapore that my Grandfather cut off heads there for Her Majesty, back in the day. It’s like I have no internal filter – my inner monologue just spits out whatever, be it harsh truth, niche humour or phonetically remembered foreign chat-up line. Continue reading “Video Killed the Radio Star” →

November 28, 2011 4

God is in the Radio

The Lord our God — “Give me three Hail Marys and the rest of those chips.”

My Mother once said to me, “You can go to Australia on your own but you can’t go down the corner shop.”

I find that succinct in a way no GP, shrink or bar-room confidant as yet has managed.

I can’t seem to get out of this slump but the show goes on around me so rather than hide in Hyrule or Modern Warfare or – God forbid – an actual book, I gave it my best today. This morning began at 7am and saw me presenting my second solo radio show for ClickTeesside – ‘Your Campus Radio.’ Continue reading “God is in the Radio” →

November 24, 2011 4

The Press: Articulating Our Rage or Skullfucking Our Souls?

Another devil’s advocate exercise; this one weighing the pros and cons of a free press. Mark Lewis, speaking at today’s Leveson inquiry had far more intelligent, insightful things to say on the matter.

This kind of writing is good fun but can also be quite confusing; I often need to take a step back to reaffirm my beliefs having just convinced myself, for example, that Squirrels are the real source of all the pain and sadness in the world.

Totally Nuts — Squirrels: Plotting our Demise?

“The press should be free to do what it wants.”

A Government should be answerable to its electorate and the press should be the voice for those that have no voice.

Numerous cases such as the expenses scandal; bribery of public officials; David Kelly and the missing Weapons of Mass Destruction; the sometimes heavy handed tactics used by Police during protests and riots; the developing rift in the coalition – none of these would have come to light if the same institution implicated in wrongdoing controlled the method with which it is held publicly accountable. Continue reading “The Press: Articulating Our Rage or Skullfucking Our Souls?” →

November 23, 2011 2

Our Rock is an Alcoholic and We Are Happy-Hour. Part Two

Which addiction has the largest carbon-footprint? — Empty bottles and cans; a big bag of papers and a broken piece of redundant electronics – a typical week’s worth for an unmarried male in his thirties. Teenagers produce twice this.

I’ve spent the majority of my adult life living abroad, and for the most part I found it more bearable than not doing so; but if history has taught us anything it is that all foreigners are little more than vile savages before a fear of the Christian Lord and a good command of the Queen’s is raped into them.

One thing that some of them do seem a hell of a lot better than us at though is recycling; from India’s slums to the supermarkets of Denmark, it is understood that there is money in ‘waste’, be it sorting through what others throw away or collecting the deposit on all the dog-end filled empty bottles littering your apartment after a party. Continue reading “Our Rock is an Alcoholic and We Are Happy-Hour. Part Two” →

November 21, 2011 3

Giving Blood for the First Time

An experiment was carried out to illustrate the effects of blood loss on the efficacy of prescription opioids and Tennessee sour mash whiskey.

Bloody, innit. — The first time I’ve put blood in a bag instead of on the street.

I’ve been terrified of needles since as far back as I can remember – one of my earliest memories is being wheeled screaming down a dimly lit corridor into theatre to have my adenoids pulled out by what I understood at the time to be a drunken bear with a pair of knitting needles and a claw hammer. Although I seem now to be slightly less of a sissy than I was then – helped along by knee surgery and medical trials – I still feel incredibly nervous at the prospect of metal piercing my skin.

But, well, sometimes you’ve just got to quit whining and do something nice for a change. Continue reading “Giving Blood for the First Time” →

November 16, 2011 6

The EU: Commission, Council and Parliament

Last night in Aarhus — The EU: A homeless drunk using a deadly tool to cut a drug-dealer’s door into pieces small enough to burn so we can all sit outside and not bother going to work in the morning.

The European Commission

Role:

The commission, formed in 1951, is the primary institution for initiating EU policy. Continue reading “The EU: Commission, Council and Parliament” →

November 12, 2011 1

About Me (2008)

A couple of years ago I was studying Multimedia Design and Communication. A prerequisite was a personal web-site containing an e-portfolio. All that code is redundant now but for posterity’s sake here is the content from the old ‘About Me’ page. Please understand that at the time the side effects of my pills were quite, quite maddening.

Christopher John Parlett (born June 5th, 1979) is a British mongrel dog; a drunk, a hack and spiteful, anchorless trash. He is best known amongst those unfortunate enough to be acquainted with him for his pernicious satire, gluttonous hurtful appetites and poor life-choices.

Hark, such a vicious degenerate was not born – it was fostered by a cruel fate. Continue reading “About Me (2008)” →

November 11, 2011 5

Insurrection Lite

Playing Devil’s Advocate to the English Riots

Three

The August 2011 riots of England and Wales were perpetrated by mindless thugs hell-bent on violent assault, the destruction of property and opportunistic theft.

The terror and anarchy that spread from the capital to other UK cities may have started as a peaceful protest against the fatal shooting of 29-year old drug-dealer Mark Duggan but quickly spiralled into chaos, fuelled by criminal avarice.

The reason and the message of that protest was lost the minute the first missile was thrown. This violence was not triggered by public unrest nor is it our melting-pot boiling over. This is not our Arab Spring nor should parallels be drawn with the civil unrest of the Thatcher era. Continue reading “Insurrection Lite” →

November 11, 2011 1

Middlesbrough – a City at Heart

Flying the flag for M'bro — Flying the flag for M’bro

Middlesbrough has ~~today~~ launched its bid to be Britain’s newest city.

In 2010, the Government announced that a new city would be created as part of the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee celebrations next year. Many locals feel that there’s a real chance that 2012 will prove to be third time lucky in its bid for official status.

The town currently acts as city-centre for the Teesside area and the wider Tees Valley city region. With a population of 720,000 people, this is the largest conurbation in the country not served by a recognised city.

Continue reading “Middlesbrough – a City at Heart” →

November 7, 2011 3

Our Rock is an Alcoholic and We Are Happy-Hour. Part One

My shower is an idiot. There are two in the house but they are identical and I choose the one with ventilation because I value being able to both breath and see when I am in a confined space.

On the road I’ve gone weeks without a proper wash; I’ve also nearly drowned a couple of times. This isn’t about such severe ends of the bathing spectrum but more to do with an apparatus that was invented by a person and constructed by another; about the methods of its operation which I assume must have had a certain degree of reasoning behind. Continue reading “Our Rock is an Alcoholic and We Are Happy-Hour. Part One” →

November 6, 2011 2