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“Manic ramblings of a paranoid fool.”

Tag Archives: Middlesbrough

May 15, 2012 Please ensure that you write at least 200 words per box.

I remain connected to my Teesside classmates through Facebook and Twitter. It’s fun to see the relationships between them growing; strangers becoming buddies, flirts becoming fucks – all that dirty romance. I’m selling my untouched textbooks on Amazon; stubborn, arrogant and poor to the last. I was part of all that, and it was a good [...]

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May 8, 2012 “We don’t accept children’s teeth.” or: Owing money to Teesside University

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April 8, 2012 Lukewarm turkey and an ode to the single-bed

Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes. – William Gibson It’s good that, isn’t it; I love that sentiment. Saw it on a t-shirt the other week and looked it up. Not familiar with William Gibson, but from scanning his [...]

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April 4, 2012 My return to university and another death in the family

A girl I developed a debilitating and unrequited crush on once called me a drifter down her perfect nose. We’d met at a staff party; I’d been drinking warm beer in a friend’s apartment, watching England lose to Germany with the sound off, A-ha on repeat and bag of something expensive went up my nose [...]

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March 14, 2012 The future’s bright – the future’s dinosaurs

Middlesbrough town centre’s future as a shopping destination has received an eleventh-hour reprieve in the form of two exciting initiatives. The projects come at a time when the town’s failure to secure city status in its recent bid has disappointed many locals; the first is a ‘Portas Pilot’ town bid and the second, a proposal to introduce [...]

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March 14, 2012 The monsters we turn into or marry

It’s been a while – how’ve you been? I’ve missed you. David? Sorry I forgot your birthday. Love, etc. Those of you who read my hilarious, insightful and downright sexy posts on twitter and facebook will have got the gist of what’s been going on dayn sayf so forgive any repetition. My Nan passed away peacefully – [...]

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February 11, 2012 Exclusive: Cleveland Police ill-prepared for apocalypse

I don’t want to alarm anyone living in Middlesbrough any more than they already will be – having woken up and, rubbing the sleep from their eyes, remembered that they live in Middlesbrough – but far from ‘Putting People First’, Cleveland Police doesn’t have your back; in fact it would appear that they are perfectly content [...]

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February 8, 2012 Me, talking

These next two tracks were exercises both in writing for broadcast and recording. I can only hope that the subjects were made up, but even so, pieces of a baby found flushed down a toilet? Really? I didn’t realise Bret Easton Ellis was writing NCTJ exams. I think these examples of my effete lisp are [...]

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January 26, 2012 International Students at Teesside University

Middlesbrough’s Teesside University has a student body of nearly 30,000. Of that number, more than 1,500 are international students. The ones we tend to notice are female but there is hushed talk of males. Sam Howitt and I wondered what on earth possesed them to study here, of all places, but realised quickly that such [...]

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December 13, 2011 Santa Claus arrested in connection with phone hacking probe

Children across the world had their world shaken today when the Leveson enquiry into phone hacking saw Father Christmas taken into custody by Northumbria Police. Exact details are not known at this time, however it is understood that the arrest took place at Santa’s Magical Christmas Grotto in The Mall Shopping Centre, Middlesbrough just before [...]

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