Well, I hope you all had a lovely Christmas. I was down with stomach flu but needed to write a presentation on ethics in journalism; so, delirious with discomfort and permanently online, seasonally depressed and unable to keep a drink down for the purposes of self-medication, I’ve been reflecting on that old ethical dilemma of whether journalists actually have any.
I was given a very kind and thoughtful Christmas gift of a boxed whisky tasting but rather than drink it down the harbour with the dog and save us all this indignity, I promised that I’d record one last liquor review.
I was quite impressed in editing how the shadows under my elf hood would combine with my poorly trimmed beard and general fatness to give me the jowls of a creature from Labyrinth.
Working off a script would have kept the length down if I hadn’t chosen to review seven bottles at the same time. My delivery is a bit off but this isn’t really a format that lends itself to multiple takes. If there’s a fine line between witty spontaneity and making a script reading sound natural, then I fell off it and spilt drink down my trousers.
Playing video games on YouTube is for losers and degenerates. Masculinity pinnacles with miserable fat fishermen looking bumbletwunts who visibly age during the hour it takes them to guzzle down the best part of a bottle of bourbon while croaking their rusty waffle over any fool who’ll listen.
Today, as well as the review, I talk incoherently but mercifully briefly about dating and other suburban offences. There was this whole thing about cooking and family as well but I edited that mess out. Both matters demand talent with a knife that bourbon does not prime a man for.
Forza Horizon 4 does a brilliant job at parts of Edinburgh. It’s close enough to have a fever dream confusion to it if you know the city well, which I do, but you wouldn’t know it from this video, (Argentine Malbec.)
They left out Leith completely though and that’s unforgivable.
When the future Mrs Parlett rocks up on her motorcycle, looks me up and down with a sneer and asks me where the fuck I’m from, I’m going to suggest she watch this before we get too involved.
CHRIS PARLETT 