Ceci N’est Pas Une Wine Review

Anomalie du chien de vin.


It has been brought to my attention that my last two ‘reviews’ veered quickly away from meaningful critique and seemed more preoccupied with my own general malaise. Do please allow me to make recompense with this humble submission.

France is a country, known for many years as a producer of wines such as red and white. The best bottle of French wine I ever had came from a petrol station just outside of Paris. Everything since then has been a disappointment – but let’s try to just stick with wine for now.

An old French friend once taught me that the quality of a bottle is related to how far you can stick your finger into the bottom. True or not, I still use that as an indicator to this day. In retrospect she was probably just flirting with me.

Continue reading “Ceci N’est Pas Une Wine Review”

Sober October?

Yes, that is a Brexit 50p.


If you’ve seen the news you’ll have learned that Britain is only ever a gallon of petrol and a wiped arse away from barbarism.

Due to a baffling shortage of workers, we’ve got soldiers on the streets delivering fuel to petrol stations – it’s a presence that will hopefully have women at last feeling safe from the police.

In what is hopefully the tail end of a pandemic reported to have killed almost 160,000 in the UK – not including the terrifying number of excess deaths – it’s still hard to watch global news and imagine the past eighteen months were anything other than dinner and cocktails before life takes us home and stealth fucks us over the dirty dishes in the sink.

So I went to Asda. Back to the performance art of masked shopping among the maskless.

Continue reading “Sober October?”

My God, it’s Full of Plums: A Wine Oddity

I realised I hadn’t posted anything in a while and felt I had to justify the domain mapping fee to myself somehow. So nothing new about book three yet. Here’s some mediocre snobby trash about wine instead.


You ever feel like you’re living the radio edit of your life?

I’d joined up to another one of those lockdown wine subscription things on a trial and funnily enough – considering how a friend is planning on moving there – it turned out to be Romania month.

Continue reading “My God, it’s Full of Plums: A Wine Oddity”

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