my tuition fee loan was withdrawn halfway through my degree LOL

 

Because I’m bummed out, I gave GPT-4 a bunch of notes, barely a draft, along with some samples of my writing style, and prompted it to come up with the following. I’ve resisted the urge to edit, only swapping out a few bits here and there with this and a longer second version. I think it sounds more pretentious than I usually do, and more upbeat – and I’ve never been accused of being upbeat.

Just a silly little experiment really. Clicking the ‘I’m not a Robot’ captcha on the plagiarism check was hilarious. It’s 0%.

Depending on who trains them, I think machines will be able to display empathy and humour, even if we can’t prove they have souls – just like real children. Continue reading “my tuition fee loan was withdrawn halfway through my degree LOL” →

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No One Will Save You review: Kaitlyn Dever faces her demons and learns that sometimes people can change

Silence is violence in Brian Duffield’s far from muted alienation romp. (Source: 20th Century Studios)

★★★★★

Writer Brian Duffield followed the 80s Alien movie playbook to a near T with the middling Underwater (2020). His latest, which he also directs, is as much E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (1982) – if subverted by noted fan of this film Stephen King.

Brynn (Kaitlyn Dever) is an anxious homebody rejected by the community of her small Louisiana town. She yearns for connection and community – but be careful what you wish for. Watching her dance alone in the family home, an oasis of calm, we’d be forgiven for thinking her fragile; but woken one night by inhuman sounds downstairs, the course of events that unfold show she’s anything but. Continue reading “No One Will Save You review: Kaitlyn Dever faces her demons and learns that sometimes people can change” →

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Nonsense Not Nonces This Year at Balenciaga

As Bowie once taught us, fashion is big and it's bland, full of tension and fear. (Image © Balenciaga 2023)
As Bowie taught us, fashion is big and it’s bland, full of tension and fear. (Image © Balenciaga 2023)
An edited version of this article is published on UPfront, a site for news and opinion from University of Portsmouth students.

It’s the month of Halloween, and what better way to strike terror into my heart than by watching a ghoulish parade of unholy stick insects clad in weird cloth?

Balenciaga sounds like something I’d pay a Spanish man to do to me in a train station bathroom but today I found out it’s a fashion house – so even more grotesque. Their Summer 24 Collection begins with mournful strings and a French lady talking. Women in black gowns stride confidently alongside celling high crimson drapes, looking for all the world like Red Priestesses ready to birth shadow demons and conquer Westeros. Continue reading “Nonsense Not Nonces This Year at Balenciaga” →

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Notes From an Elderly Schoolboy: Part 5

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I got through to Round 2

 

Well, it’s been a while. How’ve you been? It’s September and I’ve got school tomorrow.

Yes, we all thought university for sad sack ol’ me was just a one-year trick, then back to the salt mines, but Student Finance England finally buckled and allowed me to borrow another twenty grand that I’ll be paying off the interest on for the next forty years. Considering that any offal of this Parlett unit still recognisably human by then will be held together by machine parts and universal basic income payments from the paperclip overlord, I’m not too worried. Continue reading “Notes From an Elderly Schoolboy: Part 5” →

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When Eddie Became Suzy

On 7th March 2023 – the day before International Woman’s Day – Eddie Izzard announced via Global’s Political Party Podcast that she’d now like to be called Suzy (but doesn’t mind if you still call her Eddie).

The comedian has caused something of a stir among the ‘gender critical.’ Following a public journey of gender fluidity that had many disgruntled takes, she announced her intent to run as parliamentary candidate for the Labour party in Sheffield Central last year. This attracted criticism best summed up by feminist activist Jean Hatchet who opined that, ‘Women are not clothes to be popped on and off according to mood or political ambition.’ Continue reading “When Eddie Became Suzy” →

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The Freedom of Information Act

Although nobody in power in Britain has ever been able to be trusted, it wasn’t until the Freedom of Information Act of 2000 that members of the public were able to request information from public bodies and authorities. It was a manifesto commitment of the Labour Party in the 1997 general election, something alleged war criminal Tony Blair came to bitterly regret. He wrote in his memoir, “There is really no description of stupidity, no matter how vivid, that is adequate. I quake at the imbecility of it.” (Blair, 2010, p. 516). Continue reading “The Freedom of Information Act” →

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Remember Those Shootdowns Over North America in February?

A little over a month ago I submitted my final journalism assignment of the year. Burnt out on ethics, law, and the rot of British politics, I decided to have a little fun with this one while exploring a guilty pleasure of mine.

The following was written before the extraordinary claims of former US Air Force and intelligence officer, David Grusch, came to light. Some would have us believe – and it’s being reported in the media more credulously than I’ve ever seen – that the real monsters under the bed are grey, rather than red; and our governments have been tracking them for years. Continue reading “Remember Those Shootdowns Over North America in February?” →

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