Proof of life, wine guide and a video for Katie and Shaun

"There will be no miracles here." The grounds of my girlfriend's workplace. I took this before we met. I disagree wholeheartedly.
The grounds of my girlfriend’s workplace. I took this before we met. I disagree wholeheartedly.

It’s been over a month since I posted anything here and even though I have nothing I feel comfortable sharing with you I still feel it polite to show a little love to whoever reads these things as it can’t all be people stumbling upon this site by mistake. It’s not that we don’t love you, we’re just so busy.

I sold that guitar, several of my family just came to visit and I have a new girlfriend. I’m still in Edinburgh, I think I should get back into my Journalism BA and I’m going to pick up a cheap keyboard off Gumtree and teach myself piano. I’m listening to Eddie Vedder, drilled a few holes in walls today and bought a bird-feeder.

I’ve lost weight; but I haven’t written a story or a song in ages. Is there a correlation or am I so insecure that because I’m not congratulated, fellated and encouraged on an hourly basis regarding my previous input I’m too bitter and melancholic to churn out more dirge?

But that’s enough of that; I’m saving the good articles for January, as long as I get back into YouNee(!) LOL<3.

If you’re good at something, never do it for free.
– Heath Ledger in make-up

Prior to meeting this wonderful Irish Catholic – who just so happened to be at that Bush gig at the Wedgewood Rooms back in 1995 – I’d been on the dating circuit and due to my age had to bite the bullet and learn to appreciate white wine. Women seem to prefer it to red and it’s just easier to go and split a bottle, rather than be a grudging curmudgeon whining that his house red isn’t good enough to sprinkle on chips.

High-class problems, I know, but I’m 33 now so I need to start adding some feathers to my cap before my balls shrivel, drop down my trouser leg and trip me down some stairs. I mean, if the Chardonnay tastes like shit, then there’s an experience to share, and if you’ve got your charming hat on then that’s not the last thing you’ll share. Hang on, why am I dishing out dating advice? Christ.

Seriously, white wine isn’t as horrible as I used to think. It took a little time and patience but with painstaking research I have compiled the following:

Chris’ Guide to White Wine:

  • New world
  • Chilled
  • Over a fiver

Anyway, here’s a video of the family trip North to get piss drunk and call me a bastard visit me and have fun in Edinburgh, our spiritual home. I’m a shite filmmaker so rather than ask questions I just shot people grinning awkwardly at the goon with the camera. I was whipped by the guide during a ghost tour but everyone was enjoying it too much to record it. Anything really gritty and interesting had to be cut out of respect; my apologies.

There’s a bit with me being hilarious in a pub and a heartwarming goodbye between my mother and me; then two gelada baboons getting up to a bit of how’s your father in a scene that should show all but the most steadfast of creationists that we share much with our monkey cousins.

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