Category: Retrospect

Notes From an Elderly Schoolboy: Part 5

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I got through to Round 2

 

Well, it’s been a while. How’ve you been? It’s September and I’ve got school tomorrow.

Yes, we all thought university for sad sack ol’ me was just a one-year trick, then back to the salt mines, but Student Finance England finally buckled and allowed me to borrow another twenty grand that I’ll be paying off the interest on for the next forty years. Considering that any offal of this Parlett unit still recognisably human by then will be held together by machine parts and universal basic income payments from the paperclip overlord, I’m not too worried. Continue reading “Notes From an Elderly Schoolboy: Part 5” →

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Notes From an Elderly Schoolboy: Part 4

Vegan graffiti in Southsea

 

New teaching block, new Reporting teacher, and we’ve been tasked with writing a short piece pondering whether or not the year of our Lord 2023 will be good. Good for whom? Define truth. Answer me, dammit. I don’t know.

Personally, I’ll be finishing my first year of this Journalism degree; that is unless my breakdown becomes more physical and disruptive. I’ll begin the second year in September but then I won’t receive funding because Student Finance England’s chaos algorithm has reached the singularity and replaced all numbers with squirrels. Continue reading “Notes From an Elderly Schoolboy: Part 4” →

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Notes From an Elderly Schoolboy: Part 1

As a mature journalism student in my hometown, I just had to visit my old school and provide a statement.

 

Due to less than stellar book sales – which I’m going to attribute to the effect on the markets of Brexit, Covid and Putin – I’ve gone back to school.

Like an addict mistaking sobriety for enlightenment only to return to the bottle, I’ve decided to hobble around Portsmouth University on a bad knee like a fat ghost, hoping against hope that Student Finance England will get their act together before all my credit cards are maxed out. Continue reading “Notes From an Elderly Schoolboy: Part 1” →

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Middlesbrough Boro Ironopolis

Trying to free up space on my hard drive, found some old footage of Middlesbrough I shot before I left (yes, I used a potato – very funny.) Decided to stick it on YouTube with a Ghostbusters tune behind it.


The Middlesbrough Institute of Modern Art is a wonderful way to spend an afternoon. The staff are friendly, knowledgeable and don’t check pupil dilation. Paul Daniels is from Middlesbrough.

Every man, woman and child should try a Parmo before they give up the ghost.

I wish I’d filmed more; there’s another video a comrade and I made for Teeside University: it can be found here.

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Please Ensure That You Write at Least 200 Words per Box.

A photograph of a poorly finished Gibson.
They taught us to always include an image with an article so here’s this one of the guitar I’ve just stripped down and finished. It has nothing to do with the post itself, but then nor does my sex life, which is what it pretty much replaced for a fortnight. It doesn’t have any strings because I was an idiot and thought I’d save a pound by ordering them online.

I remain connected to my Teesside classmates through Facebook and Twitter. It’s fun to see the relationships between them growing; strangers becoming buddies, flirts becoming fucks – all that dirty romance. Continue reading “Please Ensure That You Write at Least 200 Words per Box.” →

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About Me (2008)

A couple of years ago I was studying Multimedia Design and Communication. A prerequisite was a personal web-site containing an e-portfolio. All that code is redundant now but for posterity’s sake here is the content from the old ‘About Me’ page. Please understand that at the time the side effects of my pills were quite, quite maddening.

Christopher John Parlett (born June 5th, 1979) is a British mongrel dog; a drunk, a hack and spiteful, anchorless trash. He is best known amongst those unfortunate enough to be acquainted with him for his pernicious satire, gluttonous hurtful appetites and poor life-choices.

Hark, such a vicious degenerate was not born – it was fostered by a cruel fate. Continue reading “About Me (2008)” →

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Notes From a Bar-Crawl

The following notes from the pub are a waste of my time and yours. Consider yourself warned.

If you think it’s a rhetorical question it isn’t, and vice versa; if you find it offensive, it’s meant as a joke; if it makes you go all tingly down below in your sexy parts then I have pornographic movies in my apartment, and lubricants, and amyl nitrite.

A Drunken Afternoon in Middlesbrough
A Drunken Afternoon in Middlesbrough

Continue reading “Notes From a Bar-Crawl” →

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