Tag Archives: Nudity

How Trent Reznor got me my associate degree

Mr. Self Destruct Continue reading How Trent Reznor got me my associate degree

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Previously On Battlestar Galactica

Bunnies
(1) Bunny; (2) Bunny; (3) Bunny; (4) Bunny; (5) Bunny; (6) Bunny; (7) Bunny; (8) Bunny; (9) Bunny; (10) Nothing to do with bunnies so I don’t care.

Good evening friends, it’s been an age; how’ve you been? Your hair looks nice and you smell delightful. Sorry to hear about that thing that made you sad but congratulations on the thing that made you happy – I hope the things happened in that order. No, I didn’t kill myself, and thanks for asking; although of course those of you that know me are often subjected to regular mind-deterioration updates via facebook and those that don’t may imagine me to be sipping whisky in the lowlands, writing the Great American Novel the way it was always meant to be – by an Englishman in Scotland – so I shouldn’t judge. Continue reading Previously On Battlestar Galactica

Ten opinions from Edinburgh Zoo

Back in December, along with several billion pushchairs, I visited Edinburgh’s pandas. Four months later and one mating season already given up on, I decided I didn’t care what everybody’s favourite asexual bamboo aficionados were up to; instead I wondered how all the other animals were feeling.

1. Chimpanzee (Pan troglodytes)

Chimpanzee (Pan troglodytes)
“Hey, wanker. That’s shit on the glass and it’s there for a reason; take a hint and fuck off.”

Continue reading Ten opinions from Edinburgh Zoo

Lukewarm turkey and an ode to the single-bed

The height of Summer 2000 in the north of the great State of Victoria. Cells like these were home for itinerant farm workers. On moving in to this one I discovered my bed was home to a Redback nest. It was too hot to cry.

Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.

– William Gibson

It’s good that, isn’t it; I love that sentiment. Saw it on a t-shirt the other week and looked it up. Not familiar with William Gibson, but from scanning his wikipedia entry he sounds interesting. I think Rickerby told me about him, back in the day.

Anyway, it was with this thought in mind that I decided to radically cut down on the little white pills proffered by a long line of GPs with an angle on going straight. None of them have ever been able to adequately explain what is ‘wrong’ with me anyway; and, oddly, most seem to lambaste my desire to find a label, calling them ‘unhelpful’. Continue reading Lukewarm turkey and an ode to the single-bed

A play without words and some thoughts on attractiveness

Yesterday we were loaned expensive recording devices and instructed to tell a story without words. This involved questionable bathroom conduct and some multitrack fun with Adobe Audition.

And today I was asking people around campus what they found attractive in members of the same sex. Continue reading A play without words and some thoughts on attractiveness

Lingerie, Whiskey and Burning Flags

Two Chinese Pandas are being loaned to Edinburgh Zoo. The thinking is that they’ll be so cold they’ll have to fuck continuously to keep from freezing to death.

Hey, am I wearing lipstick? When I’m getting fucked I want to make sure my face looks pretty.

– George Jung, Blow

I put the news in my brain today. It didn’t help my depression. Not one bit.

I hear the cuts with which we are being punished for the avarice and incompetence of our betters is going to plunge this country into a Dickensian level of class divide and destitution; the eurozone is breaking apart, another mistake that will have us all over the sodomy table before the decade is up.

Stories of increasing numbers of honour killings and the grooming of children are a proud racist’s wet dream – proof positive in their bloodshot eyes that if they were right about Europe then how about all these dirty immigrants taking British jobs. All the while the justice system is too PC to tackle problems by race, leaving the idiots among us to judge entire swaths of their communities by the diabolical actions of a few. Continue reading Lingerie, Whiskey and Burning Flags