Category Archives: Rants and Tirades

God is in the Radio

The Lord our God
“Give me three Hail Marys and the rest of those chips.”

My Mother once said to me, “You can go to Australia on your own but you can’t go down the corner shop.”

I find that succinct in a way no GP, shrink or bar-room confidant as yet has managed.

I can’t seem to get out of this slump but the show goes on around me so rather than hide in Hyrule or Modern Warfare or – God forbid – an actual book, I gave it my best today. This morning began at 7am and saw me presenting my second solo radio show for ClickTeesside – ‘Your Campus Radio.’ Continue reading God is in the Radio

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Lizards and Earthquakes

‘Flash photography from the start,’ warns the news anchor. Cut to Wills and Kate in a garish photo opportunity: a UNICEF centre in Copenhagen.

There was once a time I’d get home from the pub with a lady in tow or perhaps a large kebab. These days, it’s oatcakes and the news.

Our hopelessly cheesy royals are filmed together with their Danish counterparts: Frederik and Mary; Crown Prince and Aussie Chick. I turn off. Continue reading Lizards and Earthquakes

A Brain Full of Slime

There was no me on the radio today. For anyone tearing their hair out in desperate grief here is a picture of me feeding dinosaurs at the weekend:

Unfortunately I’ve been sick these last few days with what at first I took to be a deadly new contagion that would torment my organs into a viscous paste before sending my pitiful soul straight to the upside-down hell of the agnostic; fortunately, after rest and gentle consideration it turns out I have contracted the more common but no less debilitating man-flu virus. Continue reading A Brain Full of Slime

Radio Friendly Unit Shifter

Tuesday just gone was my second assault on the airwaves. It went well.

Things are getting more and more hands-on and my nervous jabbering is beginning to be mistaken for a growing competence that would lend itself to its own show. The persons in charge want to push out new programming and they also want to start having pre-recorded weekend shows rather than just an automatic playlist (there’s no security then so unfortunately we can’t do live broadcasts.) Continue reading Radio Friendly Unit Shifter

Radio Ga Ga

I got to the Click station early and after babbling my usual brand of confused and terrified explanations I was shown to the studio where a broadcast was in full swing. Two girls were being shown the ropes by a chap I took to be a Professional but they were giving it such gusto that I was unsure if they actually were noobs like me. They finished off their set and one of them spoke to me; she was cute as hell. Concentrate, Mr Parlett.

Enter Ben ‘The Redwood’ Harker, Producer/Presenter of the 4-7 slot and all-round nice bloke. He talked me through what we were up to and sent me to fix a couple of audio clips in the editing room. I didn’t break anything so was quite pleased about that. Continue reading Radio Ga Ga