Headline for a Piece about Blog Entries

There would be words here, the words would tell you things, there would also be links. That one takes you to tside.co.uk which is where the proper-serious-correct-and-checked-by-a-teacher-so-it’s-not-shit-and-libellous-like-most-of-the-stuff-on-here will, in future, be found.

Me with my shirt off, around the time you were born.

Any of the views expressed on this blog are poorly constructed and offensive to both creed and intellect; they do not, nor will they ever, reflect those of Teesside University. Continue reading Headline for a Piece about Blog Entries

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Radio Ga Ga

I got to the Click station early and after babbling my usual brand of confused and terrified explanations I was shown to the studio where a broadcast was in full swing. Two girls were being shown the ropes by a chap I took to be a Professional but they were giving it such gusto that I was unsure if they actually were noobs like me. They finished off their set and one of them spoke to me; she was cute as hell. Concentrate, Mr Parlett.

Enter Ben ‘The Redwood’ Harker, Producer/Presenter of the 4-7 slot and all-round nice bloke. He talked me through what we were up to and sent me to fix a couple of audio clips in the editing room. I didn’t break anything so was quite pleased about that. Continue reading Radio Ga Ga

Still Life Show and Tell.

I should be reading the 12th chapter of the phenomenal page-turner Essential Public Affairs for Journalists, or actively seeking to contain my growing impression as an agoraphobic misanthrope, or working on the news-writing exercise, or doing some laundry, or perhaps even working out as I listen to current affairs via iPlayer; but no, I feel the need for another extraneous ramble.

So that stuff there, well, there’s a Transformer on a keyring that has the key to the windows and a bin key. The waiter’s friend has now been used to open the wine. Continue reading Still Life Show and Tell.

Living Tasted Better Than Healthy Felt

I’m pretty sure the people I live with think I’m a bit of a freak. Notwithstanding my forgotten but undoubtedly questionable conduct when drunk, I have shown to have in my possession an amount of kitchen equipment that would seem to rival all but the most thorough of small rural restaurants; and yet I haven’t cooked once.

I’ve been here nine days or so yet I haven’t cooked once. There’s a reason why – a mighty, engorged, sweating mass ten inches above where I would want adjectives like that used. Yep, I’m a fat bastard. A condition I wouldn’t say has exactly crept up on me but nor have I attempted any form of escape. I’m one of those guys where the fat sits hard on the belly and the arse, if I was a dead president’s head in a jar, 1000 years from now, I reckon I’d get on alright with the ladies. Nervous twitch n’all. Continue reading Living Tasted Better Than Healthy Felt

Five Minutes Before the Miracle

David Rickerby has spent the last seven months sleeping on a park bench in Denmark. For money he collects cans and bottles from the street.

They say it was the coldest winter in 19 years.

 

Saturday April 22, 2006

“I’m doing this because it’s the best option for me right now, there’s nothing else, there’s no other choice, the only other choice, what’s that? Going back to England?” David makes a disgusted expression, “Not in this lifetime.”

I’ve joined him on his rounds, an eight kilometre meander around the centre of Aarhus, the second largest city in Denmark.

He is English, forty years old, somewhat short-tempered and weary but not as unkempt in appearance as you might imagine yourself becoming in such circumstances. Continue reading Five Minutes Before the Miracle

Animation

So, in furthering my bid to get all the old crap together in once place, here are the videos I made during my multimedia design years at Aarhus Tech. I’m trying to get into a habit of writing again so I will include a narrative and the odd puerile joke or two.

1. Airport

This video – I know, it’s not an animation – was my first try with Adobe Audition. We were given a short clip without audio and instructed to insert sound effects to tell the story. Rather than go for traditional props – Eg a coconut for horses – I decided to use music so un-tuned a guitar and dusted off the four-track. I was trying for the emotion of the scene, but mainly it was about having fun and learning the process of editing layered audio to video.

 

Continue reading Animation

Hello World…

Well… here I am.

I’ve been in Middlesbrough three days now, moved here after a year in Glasgow to attend university. I haven’t lived in England for more than six years and although the mortal terror I feel almost constantly is more a product of my own personality disorders than an indictment on the town it is still very strange being back among my own kind. Continue reading Hello World…

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